Trapped by Trajectories
Trapped by Trajectories
What is important to you, and why?
Welcome to All the Tasks Fit to Print, my weekly newsletter on all issues productivity-related for authors and other solopreneurs!
I was talking to a good friend the other night about the lessons we were given in our childhood. We're both over 50, so this would have been in the 1970s, with both of our mothers squarely in the "boomer" category (don't worry, this isn't a "boomer bashing" piece!). As girls, we were given lessons in piano and gymnastics (her) and violin and tap dancing (me). Neither of us followed those lessons into adulthood, something we both regret (well, maybe not when it comes to the gymnastics!).
The thing that was paramount for our respective mothers, though, were the trajectories such lessons might hold. In fact that was the whole purpose of education in every sphere: to advance us in a career/life path of some kind. If what we wanted to do went against what our mothers thought we could do, then it was crossed off the list.
For my friend, that was ballet. She wanted to swan around in tutus but her mother made it clear that without a Giselle-worthy body (thin, elongated, elegant), there was no point to it. She'd never make a career out of it, much less become a principle dancer, with a figure like hers! Keep in mind that my friend was about 5 years old; she had a figure like a five year old. But the decision was made and gymnastics it was.
For me, it was anything public-facing, anything requiring public performance. Fat girls don't dance, or if they do, they should not be seen doing so. I was "too big" to be a dancer or even a violinist, so lessons eventually ended despite my heartbreak. The tragedy is that I was not overweight as a child, not even a little bit. I had some baby fat, sure, but my mother's catastrophic fatphobia projected from her onto me. Her fear that I might be fat one day made her decide what my trajectory in life could be, and more importantly, what it could not be.
Nothing was more important than my trajectory.
This concept is endemic in the "productivity" sphere, and is a message common to most entrepreneurial advice as well: everything is about the hustle, the drive, the trajectory. The push to do ever more things because that is what we must do. Can you do it? Then DO IT! [Cue Nike ad campaign training montage.]
Our mothers were, of course, doing what they thought was best for us. They did not want us to fail or become broken-hearted when our dreams fell apart simply because we did not "fit the type" of what a successful ballerina/tap dancer/violinist/whatever was supposed to look like, therefore the trajectory was assumed to be a dead end.
But the trajectory wasn't the point for us, then. Not for those things. Putting the trajectory at the top of the decision tree robbed us of things we would have treasured.
My question for you is: What trajectory are you chasing?
When I coach solopreneurs, the focus they have is often that of someone running out of time. They make their choices based on the trajectories that seem most logical at the time, or are what they were told is what they should do.
Honestly one of the most powerful parts of my Personal Projects Management method is not (as you might assume) outlining the steps for programs/projects. It's the Guideposts worksheet, because it demands that you consciously choose the things that are important to you and why.
For most of us solopreneurs, a big "why" for our businesses is to make money, a lot or a little. That's an obvious goal, something you can list out on the Guidepost Specs sheet. This fits in well with most productivity and time management systems, too. Set a monetary goal and write it down! Now go do it! A suitable trajectory for any solopreneur.
But is the trajectory always that important? I don't think so.
One of the classics of productivity literature is First Things First by Stephen Covey. In it, he talks about the different "roles" a person takes in life, and how to prioritize your time management around those "first things." That is very similar to my concept of "guideposts," honestly. I'm sure I was influenced by it. But while there is a lot I admire about Covey's work overall, and that of his many heirs in the field, one constant that I side-eye has been the assumption that productivity is all about the trajectory. Even non-business/career related "roles" such as "father" or "friend" were approached with a trajectory in mind: what is your goal?
Yet, life isn't always about climbing the ladder.
This is one reason why I love project management as an approach to productivity. You can have guideposts (and programs and projects) that just exist for the sake of existing. If you make your hobby a guidepost, then the goal is simply to enjoy it. Maybe you want to get better at it, but doing so is part of the enjoyment you derive from the hobby, not the trajectory.
So cosplaying is your passion hobby? Make that a guidepost. Schedule time for it and write out the steps for building each outfit you put together. You don't have to, of course, but you can and it's got nothing to do with a trajectory. You might become a celebrated cosplayer who wins awards, but unless your business is costuming, then does it matter? Maybe a little, but in the end, you do it because you love it.
Personally, I would have loved to continue tap dancing, even though I had zero plans to become a professional dancer. My mother looked at the trajectory of "tap dancing" and realized that I was never going to become a Broadway star, so cancelled my lessons. It was a logical decision, I'll grant her that. But it was not a fulfilling one for either of us.
Another example is parenthood, which is something that has a defined path (kids grow up!) but a trajectory? Maybe if you are the dreaded sports parent! But if your humble goal is to raise successful, well-rounded individuals, then you may have a goal, but it is not something that can be counted by points or money or awards. Moreover, the journey is really 99% of the goal: being a family.
I want to leave you with a short exercise for figuring out if you've become a slave to the idea of trajectory and it is super simple: look at your guideposts (3-6 important endeavors/roles in your life, such as parenthood, career, side hustle, hobby, etc.) and take away your goals.
I know, I know: most productivity advice tells you to be clear about your goals, write them out, keep them front and center. And you should! …most of the time.
But this exercise is not about your goals.
It's about your present life, and how you are living it.
This is especially critical in running a business, which takes up so much time and energy. What does your life look like without that trajectory? Do you still feel energized to accomplish those projects, those tasks? Are you jazzed up about helping people or providing a valuable product? Is the money you are making now making you feel prosperous and successful?
There is no right or wrong answer here. Having goals and their associated trajectories are important!
Except when they aren't.
I hate my goals. So I love this 😄