Dishes in the Sink
The problem with trying to do everything is that it usually means you get less done...
Welcome to All the Tasks Fit to Print, my weekly newsletter on all issues productivity-related for authors and other solopreneurs!
Yesterday I had a full list of tasks to accomplish which were steps forward on several projects and an ongoing program (specifically, the podcast Around the Writer's Table). Well, guess what didn't happen?
Some things got done (fortunately one of those things was buying toilet paper and dog food, always the most important items on the list!), but several did not. Along the way, I ended up having to help a friend with a critical health-related task that she needed to get done ASAP. Details do not matter, but the fact is that my entire afternoon, and most of my energy, was sapped by this.
Do I mind? Nope. Not even a little bit. Honestly I'm glad that I had the time and energy to help my friend, who means a lot to me. We've been there for each other through divorces and bad jobs, and while it is not about what we "owe" each other, there is a strong sense of responsibility to each other that I take very seriously. She's family, to me.
And the fact is, I learned a long time ago that sometimes you just have to leave the dishes in the sink.
No one likes dirty dishes, and while not everyone has a "zero inbox in-sink" policy, dirty dishes are just nasty to have sitting around for any extended length of time. There are always extenuating circumstances that can lead to a full sink (chronic health issues, depression, grief, etc.) but on the whole, I'll wager that most people reading this prefer clean dishes to dirty ones.
However, it is one of those things that is easy to deprioritize when urgent matters come up. Outside of someone with OCD (which is a serious condition not to be joked about), we understand that if we are needed by someone else to help them with something that is more important, the dishes can wait.
But why is it so easy to make that call about the dishes when we are unable to do so with other tasks on our lists? Especially those tasks that represent commitments we make to ourselves?
It's not unrelated that the question I'm most often asked by clients is some form of: "How do I do EVERYTHING?"
And the answer, as you can probably guess, is that you can't. Sometimes you need to leave dirty dishes in the sink.
It is tempting to look at a simple task that is moderately urgent (who wants bugs? Mold? The smell???? NO ONE!) and decide that it must be done immediately. Now. This instant! Everything can wait!
Usually, that is true. But the problem is not whether you understand that fact (I'm sure you do), but rather that when you start looking at everything you need to do, and focus on the things that are easiest and right-at-hand over more complex tasks, then often you just never have the time/energy/brainpower to get to the more complex tasks.
You bet on doing everything and so you got even less done.
Yes, this is about prioritization, but this is also about the fact that, as I write this, my sink if full of dirty dishes from yesterday and also my living room is a disaster (as I'm in the middle of what I am euphemistically calling "The Future Storage Unit Project" which involves a lot of boxes and dismantling a home that has been in stasis for ten years). It would be super easy for me now to decide that clearing a path through the living room and doing the dishes is more important than writing this newsletter or, later, editing that podcast.
But, since I know the width and breadth and also the timelines of my important projects, I know that I have to (as Poppa called it) fish or cut bait. I can't do it all today.
I might be able to compromise — maybe I can wash five dishes. Maybe I can move one box around. But those tasks cannot and indeed should not be my priorities if I am going to succeed at my higher, "meta" goals.
For you it might be an email that you know someone is waiting on a response for. Do they really need it right now? Or is doing that minor task part of a larger effort you are making to avoid the harder tasks?
This is a no-judgment zone. While I have a low tolerance for bullshit, I also know from long, bitter experience that pushing too hard at a task can break things, up to and including yourself, if you are really in a place were you cannot (should not) do the thing.
Which is why my usual question here is one my clients hate:
WHY?
Why is [doing the dishes] more important than [your goals]?
Why are you not doing the task that contributes to [your goals]?
Why are you so focused on [doing the dishes]?
(To repeat: judgment-free zone! No wrong answers!)
The answer to each of those questions might be different, and it's important to remember that this exercise is not about "name and shame" or guilt-tripping or whatever "punishment" you might think you deserve for not working on other things that you know are important in order to deal with a more minor task.
The goal here is to have a better understanding of the choices you make, and find ways to counter them OR incorporate them.
It might be that doing the dishes is something you need to do when you do it, no matter what. If you are dealing with autism, OCD, or ADHD it might very well be that you should account for "random dishwashing time" in your day. That is how your brain works, and accepting that will allow you to incorporate it into your schedule/plans.
On the other hand, your reluctance to work on an emotionally stressful/difficult project might result in you looking for distractions that still feel productive and allow to you "hide" behind that feeling of productivity while avoiding the thing(s) that are psychologically challenging.
Let me offer you up some solutions for you if that is the case:
Take smaller bites: Feelings of overwhelm might be part of the cause, so instead of building up the task to Everest heights, break it down into smaller chunks. For instance, if you are a writer, aiming for 1,000 words a day might be contributing to you washing a lot of dishes and barely writing anything at all. Aim for 500, or 250, words instead. If that works, then stick with it. Don't aim too high again until you really feel the urge.
Plan for breaks: Instead of climbing the whole mountain, stop along the way to enjoy the scenery (or wash the dishes!). This might be particularly important for people who use time blocking for scheduling; maybe spending two hours creating and scheduling social media posts is too creatively draining. If you find yourself dreading a time block, consider finding ways to put planned breaks into that block (or, go the "take smaller bites" route!).
Allow for spontaneity: Sometimes creating a daily schedule that is wall-to-wall with tasks/events can lead to feeling like you are being held hostage rather than that you are mastering the hustle. Either create some blank space, or if that stresses you out in other ways, schedule an hour or two here and there throughout your week which are labeled: "Dish time." That is time for you to do anything else, whatever you want, for awhile.
Do a self-audit: This is a bit more involved, but if you are feeling very stymied, grab a small, cheap notebook and for a couple of days write down how you feel after doing every task, no matter how mundane (washing dishes! taking a shower! walking the dog!) or Important-with-a-capital-I (writing content! meeting with clients! going to class!). Don't self-edit your words, and don't worry about making long journal entries. It can be a single word, if that's how you feel! The key here though is when the days are done, set time aside and look back over your journal to analyze your emotions/mental mindset of what you doing. This is less an immediate solution than a way to analyze what is working, what isn't working, what is helping, and what might be self-defeating behavior.
Right now, I still have dirty dishes in the sink from yesterday. I'm sure at some point this evening I'll get to washing, but in the meantime, this update needs to be scheduled to go out and the podcast needs to be finished. Wish me luck!
As someone who constantly tries to do everything, this piece really hit home. Gonna try to ignore those dishes today. Or at least until later.