Create Real Change (with your BRAIN!)
How to walk the line between strict discipline and impulsivity
Welcome to All the Tasks Fit to Print, my weekly newsletter on all issues productivity-related for authors (and other solopreneurs)!
I recently watched a short vid (tiktok? Reel? Short? No clue, why is that all so confusing!?!?!) that talked about why being hard on ourselves rarely leads to the improvement we want to see in our lives, whether that is a complete change of behavior or a minor modification of our habits.
The point was that hating on yourself and negative self-talk put your hind-brain in a state of fear, leading to a demand for stasis, a.k.a. safety.
That is, when you are running anxious and scared, your brain is simply unable to take risks or do anything outside of the norm. Your brain wants safety and tranquility, and even if your lifestyle is unhealthy or unproductive or disappointing, your brain is going to gravitate back to what it knows. Perhaps those habits were coping or defense mechanisms when you were young, but now they are damaging you mentally and physically. Your brain can’t get the new message if you are constantly shoving back into the anxiety-soaked fear/discombobulation that created the habits in the first place.
This is why the “super strict self-discipline” model fails nearly all the time. Whether it is a diet, a new exercise routine, a new writing routine, or anger management, being ruthlessly hard on ourselves is nearly impossible to maintain for long periods of time. There is a reason the “mean boot camp sergeant” is such a cliche, and that’s because boot camps need demanding task masters to whip new recruits into some semblance of soldiers. Very, very few people are going to go to boot camp and just do it all on their own. Sure, those people exist (can’t relate!), but the point I’m making is that for the majority of us, that is impossible.
The more we scream at our own faces in the mirror, the worse we feel and the less we accomplish.
The other end of the spectrum is only doing something when the mood strikes us. Those are the “waiting for inspiration” writers and the “I only go for walks when the temperature is perfect outside” exercisers. We all know exactly how efficient that approach is, as in, not efficient at all.
So is self-love and affirmations the only way to go, here? Must we love ourselves first before we can set any goals or achieve our dreams?
That’s the ideal, true, but the good news is that it’s not necessary.
A Better Way
The middle ground is one I’ve discovered works really well for most things, and for most people. Or, at least, those genuinely committed to improving their lives in some way. It’s a simple hack and I use it a lot every day:
Ask yourself, “Is this good for my brain?”
Chances are, nine times out of ten, the answer is YES. And just as often, when you realize that, you will feel motivated to do the thing.
Write more? Good for the brain. Exercise more? Good for the brain. Cook fresh food instead of microwaving a frozen burrito? Good for the brain. Brush your teeth every night before bedtime? Believe it or not, yes, it’s good for your brain!
This works no matter your physical health or if you are dealing with a neurodivergent brain. If you’ve got a chronic illness, for instance, there will be times when microwaving a frozen burrito is actually better for your brain than exhausting your body to the point of fatigue by trying to cook at a stove. Some days you need to not write anything, in order to give your over-taxed brain some rest. Is it good for your brain? Then it is the correct choice to make!
Why it Works
Asking yourself if a task is good for your brain contextualizes it to your specific situation. That’s a fancy way of saying “every situation is unique, especially yours.”
It’s not a compromise (“I’ll just do it later instead”) and it’s not ruthlessly strict (“Do it or you’re a loser!”) and it’s not going easy on yourself either. It’s an honest question that puts you at the center of the goal you are trying to accomplish, instead of breaking yourself to fit the expectations you believe you need to meet. It is also a good means test to see if you are doing something that is not good for you—morally, ethically, physically, or mentally.
There will always be times when we need to step outside of our comfort zone and stay up late to meet a deadline, or push our bodies harder than we normally would because of an emergency, but at the point where we are constantly doing something that is not good for our brain, it becomes obvious when the question is asked straight out like that.
You can make excuses in the short term, even valid excuses, but in the long term? You’ll know by the fifth, tenth, twentieth time you ask yourself, “is this good for my brain?” and the answer is “no, but…” that you are only fooling yourself. It is never a fun time to come up against that kind of self-awareness, but never a bad time to do it either.
It is Simple
If you are resistant to doing something, pause, take a deep breath, and ask yourself: “Is this good for my brain?”
You’ll find that often, when the answer is “yes!”, you’ll have an easier time doing it.
If the answer is 'no!,' then you can revise and reschedule or rework the plan with a clear conscience, confident that you are adopting the steps to achieve your goals in a manner that is both healthy and compassionate.
Who knows, maybe long the way you might even learn to love yourself.
(I’m still working on that…)
ALL BRAINS ARE GOOD BRAINS!
Taking care of our super computer the brain ❤️